Not all can be wonderful all the time, right?
Well, it has been a while since I have been able to write; the ride is finally up to speed and I do not think that there is break fluid in the break lines. I have decided that my blog is far too happy; you are not sharing in my frustration and mistakes enough. Originally I thought that I would spare you, the reader, these moment, but I believe that they are sometimes more interesting and more often than not more insightful. This event is the latter of the two.
I flubbed up! Nay, flubbed is too much like oops. To bomb a lesson is more than an oops and that is what I did.
Truthfully, no matter how pompous it sounds, I have never really messed up a lesson before, I have never so completely made a fool of myself as I did today while teaching a science lesson. But, there is always time for a "first."
I was teaching a lesson on birds . . . wait let me back up I forget that we have not talked in a while.
I am teaching not only sixth grade language arts but I am also teaching seventh grade science, life science. Sixth grade is going wonderfully; the students love me, the teacher is enjoying my lessons and is very open to new ideas, and I have stepped in gradually after a period of observation, so it has been a successful start there and I am able to show off my real abilities as a teacher. Unfortunately, I did not have these luxuries in the science class that I am in. The teacher that I am mentored under is wonderful and no doubt very knowledgeable, but she is set; she has little room or patience for new ideas in teaching philosophy in her classroom, I also only observed the class for three days, I was thrown into a unit mid way through, and the class presents another unique challenge, every child with the exception of two is an ESL learner. Now I know what Keith is going to say, "Oh yeah, well I taught in Las Vegas for four years where all of my students were basically ESL!" Well, this is not his experience and this is very new for me, daunting perhaps.
Now, these are all excuses. I, as the teacher, am to take full responsibility for the screw up. After a bit of quiet introspection, a long aloud talk with myself, and a bit of childish moping I have come to the stark realization that it is indeed my fault, I messed up, and while the above factors may have been influential, it all falls on my shoulders. Worse yet is that the mess up came from a series of teacher 101 mistakes:
Teacher 101 mistakes:
I rushed.
I tried to teach too much information (this turns into covering and not teaching).
I tried to over simplify the information with too many words (this turns into the giving of misinformation)
The third in the list is the actual end all be all mistake; I misinformed my students and instead of taking a step back and saying, "Wait a minute?" I pushed on feeling I had to get through more information instead of going back and correcting my errors.
Now I face the challenge of going back tomorrow and mending my mistakes, not an enjoyable situation to role out of bed for.
But, I should have seen it coming, right? I was beginning to think that I was infallible, I was becoming pompous, which I am capable of sometime as many know. Things were going so smoothly in every aspect of my life and I lost my more effective, humble, hard working nature.
God, karma, bad chi, luck, whatever you care to believe seems to come at the most appropriate of times to put you back in your place. My sails were open wide and I was sailing with the wind and now, suddenly, I am trying to rebuild my mast.
I know that I have a tendency to over think, over analyze, and worry too much, but the mess up makes me question my ability to teach. I know that everyone messes up, I know that no teacher is perfect all the time, I understand that I am still learning, and that I am still a new teacher; I have heard it all. Having heard this information however, does not change the fact that I did not want any of it to be true, a childish ideal I know, but my childish ideal.
There you have it. For many of you it may sound like a meager unimportant event, but I took it pretty hard. Although in some kind of sick, self destructive way I am glad it has happened, I can now return to reality.
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
-Churchill-
Peace, Love, and Happiness
Ian
5 comments:
Dear Lord Ian! You are better at beating yourself up than any thug could ever be. So, here is how you do it. Go in tomorrow - say, Well folks, guess I better reboot and clean up the mess I made yesterday. Scratch it all and let me try again, OK? I really can do this.
"The desire to perfect is one thing, the ability is yet another. Learn to laugh." Mom
Love You and so glad to hear from you.
Wow! Um, I'm happy to hear that you had never had a bad teaching experience up to this point, but you're more than likely going to have another and you can't keep being so hard on yourself! I agree with your mom, just go in there tomorrow and reteach the lesson (maybe not exactly the same), throw in an activity that will abolish misconceptions. I actually did the same exact thing with my first lesson in NZ (and I've done it many times accidentally since). I over taught and they just ended up tuning me out b/c it's too much info for them to process. Trust me, and of course you've heard this before, but soon enough your ego will no longer get bruised when things don't go as planned and you'll just be able to pull a new angle out of you're bag of tricks. Just PLEASE stop beating yourself up like this. Honestly, I'd be dead if I beat myself up like every times something like that went wrong my first year teaching. Just wait until some kid tells you to F-off! You know that you're a good teacher so just relax! Ok, this is SO long (sorry everyone else reading this). Go drink so good wine and have fun with the girls (yes, I noticed that there were only pictures of the female roommates) Love ya!
LeAnna
Welcome to the fold, Brother. Leanna's right. Watch their eyes. When you see them tune out stop, remember what you were just doing when they tuned out and start a discussion. "What do you think about..." "What is the most important idea?" "Does anyone have a story about..."
If things are not going well during a lesson, don't wait until tomorrow to fix it. Stop, revamp. The three easiest things to do are discuss, write, or draw. You always have the materials on hand for those things. You can and should change horses in mid stream if the one you're riding is doing the back stroke.
Oh, and the "Greatest Teacher Ever" thing. Stop listening to it. I've been telling you for years that you suck. Effort, not brilliance will get you through. Remember to tell your students that, too. Always compliment their effort, not their intelligence. It's better that when a student (or teacher) fails that they realize that they need to work harder, not that they're not smart enough or talented enough to handle it.
Now listen to Mom. Go back, fess up, make a joke of it. Tell them you're grateful for their patience and that they humored you yesterday, but in the future, when you're wrong you're really just testing them and they need to correct your deliberate mistakes so that you know they're paying attention. Really lay on the sarcasm.
And lastly, students are worthy adversaries. You always have to be on your guard. Listen to the Big Lebowski: Students are worthy ***** adversaries. Me and the students eyeball to eyeball. The students coming to class in their pajamas. Where as what we have here are a bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads trying to find reverse on a Soviet tank. This ain't no worthy ******** adversary!
Things
There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public.
There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,
committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things
than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.
It is 5 a.m. All the worse things come stalking in
and stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse
and worse.
~Fleur Adcock
Chill out Ian. You are doing just fine!!! Listen to your wise freinds and family. Everything is going to be ok.
Peace and love.
~Sarah
You are so loved. Listen to us- stop beating yourself up. I have to write 6 essay finals for a class I have a 98% in. They are all due on Monday. Despite 3 attempts at just the first essay, I haven't been able to produce a single intelligent document. With a 98% in the class you would think that I should have a grip on what I need to communicate in the essays. Point is- We all hit bumps in the road.
You now have the opportunity to go in and tell your students that perfection is not the goal. Honesty, perseverance, humility and integrity come ahead of accomplishment and, as a bonus, they usually lead to accomplishment.
You have some amazing teachers encouraging you- with several years of accumulated wisdom. Don't be pompous-just keeping becoming the Ian you are meant to be!
Love - Aunt B
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